Thursday, 26 November 2009

It's a bit like 'S*** My Dad Says', but less funny

My Dad 'phoned me last night. We had a lovely conversation. We generally do. But at the end, he said possibly one of the most hilariously politically incorrect things I have ever heard him say. But before this, you must understand that my father is one of the most genial people you will ever meet. I've never seen him get angry (aside from one bird-flipping incident to another driver, which now I think about it, is also hilarious), hardly ever heard him raise his voice, and never heard him be rude to or about someone.

So we were discussing going out for a meal on Friday, which I'm looking forward to considerably. We were trying to work out somewhere that's easier enough for me to get to by public transport, and him to get to by car. We struck upon a Chinese buffet in West London. As we closed the conversation, Dad came out with this little gem:
'So, do you know the way from the Tube station to the chinky place?'
Now, in my Dad's defence, he thought that the word 'chinky' was a suitable slang term for a Chinese restaurant but never for a Chinese person.

I suppose it just goes to show the culture I was brought up in - almost every potentially offensive term has been eradicated from my vocabulary, because someone, somewhere has taken offense to it. I shan't go off on an anti-PC rant, because I think, at least for this, it's probably best.

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

A lovely young lady came into the building today to see the hall for a potential hire. I however, was in the toilet when she came in. I heard the door, hurriedly washed my hands and intercepted her in the corridor. We'd had a conversation yesterday, and so our meeting in person went something like this:
"Hello, I'm Gemma. You must be David. Lovely to meet you."

She sticks out a hand, which I decline to shake, with the words

"I won't shake your hand, I've just been to the toilet."
An entirely true fact, but what if she thought I hadn't bothered to wash my hands? What if she thought I'm just a lazy, germ-laden animal? Will she have thought that I was actually doing her a courtesy, in not introducing the slightly soggy handshake to a burgeoning relationship, or that I was in fact just a very rude young man?

Have I, in fact, overthought this?

So many questions, so little time.

Christmas, weather and stealing. No, really.

Today is the 25th of November, realised through the mundanity of writing a cheque, so Christmas is a month away. I'm guessing a whole host of people will get excited by this, possibly female, possibly teenage, possibly shouldn't care as much as they do.


Monday was St. Clement's day, according to the church calendar, but contrary to our custom, we didn't read anything about him in our morning prayers. We realised this on Tuesday morning, just after we had been discussing how bad the weather was on Monday. Quick as Usain Bolt on performance enhancing drugs in a fast moving vehicle, I quipped:
"Must have been because it was so inclement yesterday..."
Yeah, I was proud of it. I don't mind you being ashamed.


Yesterday, in what was like Christmas come early, I managed to pilfer various books - I say pilfer, I mean, 'got given' - that I intend to read and review. However, I am very aware that I said I'd read and review The Secret Message of Jesus, and I've hardly had a chance to read it. So, when I have some time, you might get some intellecktual stuff.

Oo, er.

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

I do recommend you go here. Not only is she funny, she has lovely pictures. Yes.

Thursday, 19 November 2009

The Further Adventures

I didn't think there would be a sequel, but it would seem I would be wrong. Yesterday, Phil came into the office again to ask me something. I said that the request would go on my to-do list.

And it almost came as an apology. As he walked of the room, he said
"You have a to-do list. That's part way to being in the real world."
How very kind and gracious of you to allow me that privilege. Well, part way is better than not at all, I suppose.

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Things & Stuff

Just got back from Northwood, the place that makes me tick. I spent an evening with lovely people, listening to good music at open mic night, and received the question 'are you playing tonight?' as many times as I had conversations.


The bus from Willesden Green was possibly the slowest bus I have ever been on. It was 11:15, open roads, and the driver seemed reticent to actually go anywhere near the speed limit, let alone break it. Not sure if this blog-worthy, but it frustrated me, so you get to know about.


I saw a woman working in a kebab shop. No, really. Does this strike anyone else as odd?

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

Real World

Various people come into the church to use it from time to time, hiring it for various events and so on. Every week, a nice man called Phil uses one of the smaller rooms to tutor Maths and English. He came into the office today to ask me about something, and as etiquette dictates, asked me how I was.

I made the crucial mistake of answering honestly, saying that I wasn't too bad, but the jump from university to the real world was something of a big one.

He paused, looked around the office, and said:
Well, this isn't exactly the real world, is it?
Well, Mr. Phil, nice as you may be, you're oh-so-wrong, as well. This week the church and myself have gone through various things; Remembrance Day, a funeral, loneliness, baptism visits, a dear old lady having a fall, prayer, tears, and a whole host of other incredibly real things.

What I do is very real, and the God I serve is even more so. I hope that, someday, you see that too.