Friday, 16 July 2010

The Black Panther

I know, I know, it's been a long time coming. But I have duly done my research on the Black Panther. And you know what I found? Do you really want to know? Well, wait for it. I'm going to put it on another line for extra effect:

It doesn't exist.

It doesn't exist, ladies and gentlemen. It is non-existent. There is, in fact, nothing to write about.

I know, after all that waiting, it comes to diddly-squat. However, I can tell you that what people THINK are Black Panthers are in fact either Jaguars or Cougars. Slightly screwed up versions of the above (something about alleles and genetics. Ask Scott.)


So, to disambiguations of the above subject. There are many to choose from. I shall pick the ones I find most amusing/interesting, which is pretty much how I choose everything in my life, from vegetables to friends.

The New Black Panther Party (NBPP)
This is an organisation, run by blacks and Muslims (from what I can work out) which has nothing to do with the civil rights movement of a very similar name. In fact, it's far removed from the Black Panther Party (BPP). Why do I say that? Because the BPP, despite their left-wing extremism, were fundamentally for the improvement of life for black or oppressed people. The NBPP, however, are just a bunch of racists. They are anti-white and anti-Jew.

Because, as every upstanding human knows: the best way to counter racism is to be a racist yourself. Well done, NBPP. You have excelled yourself. Now, go away.

One of the greatest footballers the world has ever seen was nicknamed the Black Panther. Unfortunately, he lived in a time when nearly everyone was racist, and Portugal were underachieving... oh, wait, that would be 2010, right? Nevermind.

Go find him on that well known video hosting site.

Finally, the coolest Black Panther of them all: the comic book hero.
The Black Panther is one of the best superheroes I've come across. Here is a list of some of The Black Panther's powers:
  • Superhumanly acute senses
  • Strength, speed, stamina, and agility at the peak of human development
  • Resistance to magic
  • He can pick up a prey's scent
  • He can MEMORISE tens of thousands of scents
  • Proficient in African martial arts, and fighting styles 'known to no discipline'
  • A skilled hunter and tracker
  • He holds a PhD in Physics from Oxford and is 'considered one of the eight smartest people on the planet.'
  • He also has access to the most powerful army on earth, of Wakanda.
  • And finally, HE'S MARRIED TO STORM. As in, HALLE BERRY.
My goodness. No wonder men feel emasculated in these modern times.


Elizabeth said...
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Anonymous said...

I like the new look. (Although I generally don't like Blogger, who make commenting very painful)

David said...

Thanks, Rachel. I thought it was time for a change, and discovered it was possible, via blogger. I still want to go over to wordpress, but am scared...