Thursday, 29 April 2010

Prints of Thieves

As the adverts have now started appearing, I will shamelessly republish something I wrote earlier this year on Facebook.


So, Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe meet up for lunch one day and Ridley says to Russell, 'We need another film... we're not talked about enough. You need to be a lonely hero, unloved by the authorities. Any ideas?'

'Er, Gandhi?' mumbles Russell.

'I think it's been done... by... someone. And there's no violence. We could make him violent, but that would ruin the point. His point, if you will.'

'The Antarctic explorer and unfortunate man of renown when it comes to suicidal quotes, Lawrence Oates?'

'Could do. But snow as an effect is flippin' expensive. I've run out of the money I got from... well, y'know. That film we did. The really good one. And also - there's only one good line in a film about Oates, and it comes at the end. And it's about death. And it's quite subtle. Not everyone will get it.'

'Ridley, gotta be honest, you should have been more financially prudent. You didn't invest in any kind of financial institution the world over, did you? That would have been stupid. Anyway, how about Robin Hood?'

'Hmm. You might be onto something there, because, personally, I don't think that Robin Hood has been done to death enough. In fact, I think we could flog the ol' horse even further, and with the money we'll get to make it because I'm Ridley Scott and you're Russell Crowe, we'll just have a bunch of cool fight scenes that completely wipe the floor with any other adaptation. Tell me, can you fire an arrow from a bow?'

'Er, do Gladiators do that?'


'Then probably not.'

'You better learn. We need historical authenticity. And no-one wants a Robin Hood with a pea-shooter.'

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